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How to Deal with Loss

Recently I lost it over a technical problem in my business.  I was angry, resentful and frustrated.  It cranked my stress up like a Space Shuttle takeoff!

I felt like nobody was listening to me and didn’t care.  The “victim mentality” had kicked in big time!  Why did I have the visceral, upsetting response to something important, but minor?

I got on my “sub-conscious time machine” and thought back.  Okay, where the heck did this come from?  The truth hit me like a Mac Truck!  I was still grieving from loss!  Since July of 2019, I had lost…

  • My 35-year-old sister to kidney failure
  • My 16-year-old nephew to drowning
  • My cousin who had heart issues

Not to mention the downturn in business I recently experienced that all businesses go through.  When I realized what was wrong, I took action.  Before I get into how I pulled out of my “it’s the end of the world” state-of-mind, let me ask you a BIG question….

What losses have you suffered, lately?

Sometimes the “losses” in our lives pile up to where we can’t deal with them fast enough.  We “let em go.”  One problem; they will pile up in your subconscious mind, into your conscious mind and into your life.  Dealing with them upfront keeps “freak-outs, bottom-outs and more at bay.

Here a few tools to handle the grief that’s trying to control you.

Tool #1: Communicate Your Loss

I don’t care if it’s a Chaplain, Counselor, Psychologist, best friend or the Easter Bunny.  Meet with someone you trust and get it all out!  Tell them why you hurt, grieve and what or who you lost.  You will realize things you didn’t know were an issue.

When I met with the person I trusted, one HUGE realization landed in my lap.  I move to fast and it was time for me to practice slowing down.  Wow, what a concept.  But these revelations can put you on the track to “chill pill land”, the place most of us need to visit often.

Tool #2: Identify Your “Problem-Type”

Most of the problems in life fall into 4 categories…

  • Technical Problems
  • Personal Problems
  • Relational Problems
  • Spiritual Problems

Did you know technical problems typically turn into the other three problem-types?  Identify which problem-type you’re dealing with.  Next, come up with one or more solutions to resolve it or them.  Since a technical problem threw me into a tizzy, I worked with a colleague to find solutions and win.  It WORKED!

Tool #3: Slow Down

After meeting with the person I trust, I realized I was addicted to GO, GO, GO!  The idea of slowing down and doing one or two things instead of 10 was as foreign to me as learning Russian.  But that day I started practicing slowing down.  I got more done than I could have imagined.  Why? 

Slowing down helps you focus on what’s important.  The urgent things go away and the important gets done.  Turns out what’s important is what moves you forward.  The urgent just gets in the way.

Tool #4:  Reward Yourself

Do you have a reputation for taking great care of others, but not yourself?  Good news!  Consider the prescription “Dr. Marvin” gave Bob Wiley in the hilarious comedy, “What About Bob?”  Take a vacation from your problem.  In your case, take a vacation from taking care of everyone else and take care of yourself. 

Your mind will calm, life slow down and you will realize things that can change your life.  You may even end up solving a problem or two!  Not bad for literally kicking back and letting the world take care of itself for once.

Tool #5:  Create New Dreams

In her breakout book, “Codependent No More” author Melodie Beattie offers a shocking option for lost dreams….

CREATE NEW ONES!

We forget us humans can lose people, places, things and replace them with new ones.  Lost your first house?  Reboot and get your second dream house.  Your first or second love end in divorce?  Work on yourself for awhile and get back on the market.

Loss doesn’t mean the end of living and dreaming.  It’s your permission to TRY AGAIN!  The world is a better place when you dream.  Ultimately your dreams will help you and others.  Keep creating em my friend!